I SHOULD be able to knit this!

Recently I was reading a book on communication and it pointed out how SHOULD is a naughty word.

This was a bit of a shock to me.

I tell myself I “SHOULD” be able to eat more healthy, or pay better attention to my kids, or even…

…finish knitting a pair of socks.

And yet I still find myself eating at McDonalds, working instead of playing with my kids, and yes…

…suffering from second sock syndrome.

I’m not someone who generally has a negative inner monologue.

If anything I’m overly confident and optimistic.

So when I realized even I struggle with this, I thought maybe you might as well.

Today we’re going to take a quick look at why SHOULD should go in the swear jar, and explore some alternatives that are more healthy.

Why You Shouldn’t Say Should

I know, you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal?”

“I say SHOULD all the time.”

I’m with you.

I don’t even realize when I do it.

But there’s good reason for eliminating this ugly word from our vocabulary.

Actually there are 4 reasons:

Should comes from Shame

When we say we “should” be able to do something, we’re belittling ourselves. It’s a critical statement that says “I’m not good enough.”

Should has Unrealistic Expectations

When you think you “should” be able to do something, it’s because you believe EVERYONE else gets it easier than you do.

Just because it seems others picked up something quicker, you don’t actually know how easy or hard it was for them. It’s likely they struggled just as well.

Should is Judgmental

Using “should” especially in reference to other people is placing your own expectations on someone else.

Know one else knows what’s best for you.

Should is a Liar

There is no ONE right way to do something, whether it’s raising your family, getting in better shape, or learning to knit.

“Should” implies there’s a path you need to follow for success.

That’s just not true.

Your path might be a little longer, with more twists and turns, but it’s YOUR path.

That’s all that matters.

An Alternative to Should

So if we can’t berate ourselves for not measuring up to an imaginary perfect knitter, what do we do instead?

Here are 3 options:

Replace “Should” with COULD

“I COULD knit this, if I have patience and don’t give up.”

This is a much more empowering statement.

Change “Should” to WANT

“I WANT to be able to knit a sweater, but I need to learn some new skills first.”

This statement identifies your desired outcome, and sets realistic goals for how to get there.

Question “Should” with WHY?

“I should be able to knit a second sock?” WHY?

“Because I have seen others complete plenty of socks and it seems easy for them.

NOPE! Not helpful.

Try again…

“Because I want to be a person who finishes what I start. I’m capable of knitting a sock and I know I could do it if I make it a priority.”

This sort of self talk is more likely to set you on a path to success.

Now I need to go grab my sock yarn…

Conclusion

It’s easy to have negative thoughts when we bump up against challenges.

You are smart, and capable, and it’s ok to struggle before you master a new skill.

Just remember to be kind to yourself.

But what do you think?

How do you keep yourself encouraged and motivated to persevere?

Have you fallen into the “should” trap yourself?